I know I haven't been every active lately.
I've been posting artwork whenever I can, and have been getting into many new fandoms (Frozen, Rise of the Guardians, the Outlast games, The Evil Within, all sorts of stuff) but my online galleries haven't been showing many of the results. for that, I am sorry. I truly am. I know you guys wait for new art, and you all (both new fans and old) have been very supportive and kind in critiquing and giving me feedback on my art. My fan base is kind and courteous, and a little pervy... I wouldn't want it any other way. As you see, I have been posting a bit. I revamped and reorganized my gallery. Per the wishes of my followers, I did NOT delete anything or go on a gallery purge, I just condensed art from older/less active fandoms down into some folders to make room for the new stuff. Everything is still there, just more categorized. My mildly obsessive-complusive self is pleased with this. I hope you are too!
As to why I have been less active, I've been applying to a program called the JET Program. It will allow me to go and live out my dream of living in Japan and teaching English. I've been wanting to do this for the last decade of my life, and now that it is finally happening I'm very excited. But it has been time consuming. But that has not been the only reasoning for my busy schedule....
I'm going to bring up something that is not easy for me to talk about or admit to, but because it has made me difficult and less approachable to many of my friends, and has also interfered with my ability and confidence in drawing and posting my artwork, I'll just come out and say it.
I've been ill for about five weeks. Bronchitis. Not that serious by the standards of most, but because of my cancer history and my asthma complications, the sickness becomes much more serious. When I was a child I was diagnosed with stage four Wilm's tumor cancer, resulting in five tumors being dug out of my lungs, my right kidney being removed, and months of chemotherapy, radiation treatments, and hopelessness. But I pulled through.
Doctors told me that although I haven't progressed to pneumonia, my lungs are literally too weak to heal themselves from the bronchitis without the help of steroids (both inhaled and oral), and with my terrible pollen and dust allergies, it feels like every time I leave the house I'm set back by a day and a half of healing. And I can't just sit around the house, I have jobs, I have money to make. I rest whenever I can and have been forcing myself to take it easy, but it isn't enough. I'm going to be calling the doctor again and seeing if there is a need for me to take a second round of oral steroids, because I still feel like I'm endlessly falling backwards.
This is hard for me to discuss because it reminds me of just how fragile I am. I recently received a newsletter from the National Wilm's Tumor Research Society, and one of the articles discusses patients who had their lungs treated with radiation due to lung tumors being diagnosed at the same time as the overall cancer diagnosis. Basically, patients who were so far along in the cancer that it had already spread from their kidney to their other organs, namely the lungs. The article went to to describe how these patients would struggle and be hit harder than most when it came to things like bronchitis and pneumonia.
It was nice to know that I wasn't alone, and that this weakness in me wasn't my fault, but it hurt all the same. Like no matter how strong my personality, my connections with others, my artwork, my love of knowledge, my body is still crippled. It makes me want to break down and cry. I've been pushing away these dark thoughts, wondering if I'll ever get better, if I've accomplished enough... It seems melodramatic, even as I type this, but it's hard not to allow my mind to stray to dark and hopeless places when I feel so weak and helpless. And every time I feel like I've had a setback I wonder if it's even worth it.
My girlfriend and close friends and family have been very supportive, but it has been a long tough road... and I fear it will remain so for a bit longer. Organizing my gallery, jumping into new artwork, and gaming have helped a great deal, as has spending time with my girlfriend and friends. But still. No picnic here.
I just though I owed you guys an update. Thanks again for your patience and support
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